Mid-February 2017 – Pretty early on we were introduced to the pediatric hospice team through our hospital. The non-profit group helps families with fatal pre-natal diagnoses and infants with terminal illnesses. They have helped many families in similar situations to ours from pregnancy through delivery and beyond. Each meeting we had was met with a lot of tears, but also hope and support. They made us feel like we weren’t alone and that they would also walk this journey with us. And they did.

They guided us through conversations that no parent should ever have. Discussing funeral homes and cemeteries while I was carrying a life inside of me was beyond cruel. But the alternative of doing it alone and afterwards would have been even more devastating. Our hospice family – cause that’s what they became – took as much of our load off of us as possible. They too would be there for our delivery and would make the arrangements for a photographer, coordinate visits, call our priest, etc. They were such a blessing to us in our time of need.

They even helped us with how to talk to our other two daughters about Liliana. My youngest didn’t yet talk and wouldn’t really understand, but my oldest certainly would. Rather than tell her everything at once, we decided to share the news of my pregnancy first and we would eventually tell her that Liliana was sick as we got closer to my due date.

So when I was almost six months pregnant, we told my oldest daughter that she would have another little sister named Liliana. Almost from day one, she was so excited. And thus began the daily belly kisses and hugs and talking to her baby sister. I would simultaneously rejoice and cry when she would say how much she loved Liliana and how she was so excited to meet her. Eventually, my youngest got in on the action of belly kisses too.

I was relieved to have them know of their baby sister so that I could freely talk to her aloud. The few times I tried to talk to Liliana before telling my oldest daughter about her, her ears would perk up and she would question what I said. This felt much better.

My oldest would come up with different things that we needed to buy for Liliana – from car seats to giraffes to cups – she thought of everything. She was ‘big-sistering’ Liliana in the womb. I was amazed at how gentle she always was with her affections and words when she would talk to her. And after awhile, Liliana became part of our daily lives and conversations with my girls. The four of us would take baths together, cuddle in bed and go for walks. Whenever we would do something, I was always aware that I had all three of my girls with me. This time together was precious. We had two months where we joyously celebrated being a family of five while I was pregnant.

Today, we still are a family of five, but my girls know that we look to heaven now to see their baby sister. As they get older, we will make sure that they stay close to Liliana. I know their lives will be different than other kids knowing that they have a sister in heaven. I hope that it will keep them grounded and steadfast in their faith, never taking life for granted. And I also pray that Liliana will watch over her big sisters and protect them as I know they would have done for her. Sisterhood is a strong bond, one that can’t be broken in life or death. United through love, they are three sisters strong.