April 25, 2020 – Three years! Three years since Liliana was born. Three years since I held my precious girl and told her I love her. Three years since my heart was shattered into a million pieces and slowly put back together piece by piece. Three years since I started the journey of turning my pain into purpose to help others and serve God. Three years!

It’s funny, when I sit down to write these days, I’m never quite sure where to start. But immediately, the words just flow when I speak of Liliana. Here’s why I think that is. I’m not just speaking from my heart, I’m writing about my heart. Liliana is my heart – the one that God put back together and where she now has permanent residency. And while it has taken me awhile to get here, there’s nothing more natural than to open my heart and share her.

There’s a beautiful quote by Saint John Chrysostom that says: ‘Those we have loved and lost are no longer where they were before, they are now wherever we are.’

And thank God for that. Because now on her third anniversary, we find ourselves in this crazy, surreal time of a pandemic impacting every fabric of our lives – our families, our faith, our work and our livelihood. And yet, I am one of the fortunate few who have not really been impacted at all – at least not in the important areas of my life.

You see, ever since Liliana, two things have driven my life and my life’s purpose and joy – my faith and my family. I don’t need any of the ‘extras’. Sitting on my patio on a beautiful summer day with my husband while watching our girls play and have fun is my idea of a perfect day. And my heart is happy. Volunteering at our Church in various capacities, leading faith-formed classes with my husband and being able to use my professional communications skills in service to God is now my purpose-driven vocation. And my heart is fulfilled. Going to Special Place and sitting and talking with my baby girl is precious time I cherish and brings me great peace. And my heart is whole.

So while the world is shut down, these two things can never be closed or taken away. I take my family and faith with me wherever I go, even if I go nowhere at all. Church is now at home, but we’ve found beautiful ways to stay connected through Christ and our community, and of course, through prayer. In fact, having a strong faith has really helped bring calm to the chaos around us and peace within our family.

I don’t want to minimize the real struggle that people find themselves in right now or those who are sick or suffering. We have, and are, certainly looking to help in the areas we can impact. But in our small corner of life, faith and family reign supreme and remain unchanged.

And so as I contemplated what to do on Liliana’s anniversary, the answer was really quite simple – the same that we always do. Go to Church and give thanks to God for our baby girl and then go see her at Special Place. That gives me such a sense of peace that I can honor my daughter’s memory despite all the noise around us. She is my safe place. She is the calm amidst the storm. She is the embodiment of my faith and family. She was 2 pounds of flesh and yet her life imparted an infinite weight of love in ours.

So our celebration of Liliana’s anniversary will go on as planned. Lockdowns and quarantines don’t apply here. No worry of sickness in heaven. No need to social distance. We’ll be celebrating with open hearts today, and for a little while, we’ll forget that the world is closed around us.

And when society opens up once again, we will all have a new appreciation for a walk in the park or a BBQ with friends and so many other things we have taken for granted. And while the priorities in my life will remain the same, I, too, will look forward to those things. If I let my daughters decide, the first order of business will probably be a trip to the Dairy Queen and visit to the playground. But regardless of where we go, there is one thing I know for sure…..my heart will go with me.

Happy 3rd anniversary my love, my faith, my family, my heart. My Liliana.