April 25, 2022 – Today my angel is 5 years old. I’ve been feeling extra emotional these last few weeks leading up to today. It helps me to listen to Christian music because it makes me feel good and closer to heaven and Liliana. And the music speaks to my heart. Different songs have been…
April 25, 2021 – Happy 4th birthday my love! As I was sitting here thinking about what to write for Liliana’s 4th anniversary, usually I just start typing and let my heart guide the words on the page. But because I am not posting as often as I used to, I was feeling the need…
April 25, 2020 – Three years! Three years since Liliana was born. Three years since I held my precious girl and told her I love her. Three years since my heart was shattered into a million pieces and slowly put back together piece by piece. Three years since I started the journey of turning my…
February 15, 2020 – Happy New Year and Valentine’s Day friends! Somehow I blinked and four months have gone by since I last wrote on here. Trust me though when I say that not a day goes by without Liliana being a part of it. It’s just that my healing and honoring her memory comes…
Oct. 11, 2019 – Hi everyone! I know it has been awhile… we’re coming up on Liliana’s 2-1/2 year anniversary. So much has happened since the last time I wrote on my blog that I want to share some precious updates on how Liliana continues to penetrate our lives with her love in both expected…
April 25, 2019 – Happy 2nd birthday anniversary my love! It’s 9 p.m on this Thursday night and the official celebrations have ended. We had a beautiful day honoring our baby girl. I’ll share some of the highlights…. We started our day at church because that’s where we feel closest to Liliana. She’s with Jesus,…
March 9, 2019 – It finally happened! One year, eight months and one day after Liliana was born, she visited me in my dreams. It wasn’t the dream I envisioned, but it was perfect nonetheless. I started writing this post right after it happened because I didn’t want to lose any of the details, but…
Nov. 17, 2018 – Somehow the month of October – which is Infant Loss and Awareness month – just flew by. We had several opportunities to honor Liliana at our support group service, the cemetery service and even at the hospital where she was born where we made her donation. All of them were meaningful…
December 30, 2018 – Merry Christmas and Happy New Year friends! We all know how busy this time of year can get, but I wanted to share a quick blessing I received this Christmas that involved Liliana. Of course the holidays and special occasions are bitter sweet not having Liliana with us, but I’m at…
Sept. 19, 2018 – The craziness of the start of the school year is in full effect and it’s taking me awhile to get into a rhythm. Every week that goes by that I don’t get to post on my blog, I feel a twinge of guilt. Not that I have scores of followers or…
Aug. 2, 2018 – A couple of weeks ago I got to participate in a beautiful community service event, but it is one that most people probably don’t even know exists. It was a bereavement box assembly for local hospitals. Volunteers put together 350 boxes that will go to parents after the loss of their…
July 10 – My husband had a few days off of work a couple of weeks ago and we enjoyed a wonderful ‘staycation’ filled with zoos, beaches and museums. We both felt so blessed to be able to enjoy our girls and witness their excitement over everything. Our hearts were full. But it made me…
June 8 – Well, this has been my longest absence from my blog since I started it last year for which I can point to two reasons: one is that it’s just been a really busy month. In the last few weeks I celebrated my anniversary, planned a preschool graduation (as well as spent countless…
May 9, 2018 – Exhale….That’s how I feel after celebrating Liliana’s birthday. It’s as though I’ve been holding my breath for the past year and can finally start to breathe again. Not that the pain is gone or that I don’t miss her every day, but simply that I can breathe. I think I needed…
May 8, 2018 – What an amazing celebration day we had in honor of our baby girl. I wanted to share a few pictures from our day and thank all of you for your prayers for our family. We were lifted up by your prayers and we had such a beautiful time remembering Liliana’s…
April 25, 2018 – Happy birthday my sweet girl. You are my angel, my precious gift from God, my eternal daughter in heaven and my heart. I will celebrate your life today and every day hereafter. I carried you for 33 weeks and I will carry you for the rest of my life until I…
April 21, 2018 – Liliana’s monument has been placed just in time for her anniversary. It arrived last month, but they were waiting for better weather to break ground and place the stone. Thankfully, we finally got a break this week. Driving up to special place a few days ago and seeing her monument from…
April 14, 2018 – Eleven more days. And then it will be Liliana’s 1-year anniversary. My emotions are on super drive lately as we prepare to celebrate our precious girl. It will be a day of joy and heartache and every emotion in between. I will honor her in all the ways I can think…
March 28, 2018 – This past Sunday on Liliana’s 11-month anniversary, my husband had the opportunity to give his testimony at our church and tell Liliana’s story. It was a beautiful tribute to her life and all the good that she has brought to our family. Just like with any new baby in the first…
March 10, 2018 – What a week of blessings I just had. And they all tie back to Liliana! There is so much that my heart is full on right now, that it’s hard to focus on just one thing. It all started last Thursday when my husband and I watched a video of the…
February 19, 2018 – It’s been a busy last few weeks. We went on our first family vacation since Liliana’s birth. Last year, I could barely think about going out or celebrating things, much less going on a vacation. But this year, we felt it would be good for our family to get away from…
February 2, 2018 – Last week I had the opportunity to attend a healing mass at my church. It was my first time. I’ve only recently even heard about them. My husband and I went to a healing service when I was pregnant with Liliana, but it was more of a communal service for prayer…
January 18, 2018 – I remember it as if it were yesterday – the excitement of meeting our baby for the first time up close and personal via ultrasound. So many questions would be answered after this day. Would I be buying pink or blue cupcakes or flowers for the baby reveal? Would we be…
January 5, 2018 – Every one told me the holidays would be hard, but I didn’t think it would be any different from missing Liliana every other day. And for awhile, I was right. With my husband being off from work, we were able to spend great family time together and we visited Liliana at…
December 21 – It still amazes me how I can relate Liliana to almost any activity or event in my life. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me any more, but it does. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. That’s the thing with a life-changing circumstance, it has a way of permanently marking your…
December 6 – This past week we had our Christmas support group meeting where a large group of parents gathered who had lost infants, ranging from 29 years ago to just 6 weeks ago. This meeting was a little different than the usual structure, because we went around and lit candles and shared our favorite…
November 23 – Seven months ago it would’ve been hard to imagine celebrating the holidays, much less feeling thankful for my blessings. This year, since Jan. 18, has been the most difficult year of my life. And while it’s easy to focus on what you lost or don’t have and feel sorry for yourself, it…
November 8 – This week I attended my monthly support group meeting with other parents who have lost their babies. I was blown away by how many people were there this month. Usually there are 4-5 couples. This time, the number was triple with about 12-15 couples. Sadly, four mothers were new with two of…
October 25 – Today it’s been six months. Liliana is 6-months old in heaven. I’ve been thinking about what I would write on this anniversary for the last couple of weeks, but nothing was coming to me. I thought about sharing the video from her memorial service, but I’m not quite ready for that yet.…
October 12 – October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. Like many things in life, it’s something I wasn’t aware of until I had a reason to be. This past weekend my family and I honored Liliana at two remembrance ceremonies – one at our special place and the other through our support group.…
October 4 – When I was in my 20s, my friends and I would half-jokingly talk about one day having kids, quitting our jobs and spending our time having play-dates and pedicures. When I got into my 30s, I was well-established in a career that I loved and became more mature in my thinking. I…
September 25 – Oh Liliana…my sweet, sweet girl. Today you are 5-months old. I don’t know what that equates to in an eternal heaven, but it feels like forever being here without you. Mommy and papi and your sisters were watching videos last night of your oldest sister laughing at 5-months old. In the video, papi…
September 14 – We recently celebrated several birthdays in my family this past month, including my own. And while I enjoy celebrating others’ birthdays, I don’t make a big deal of my own. Sure I’ll let my husband take care of the girls early in the morning while I stay in bed a few extra…
August 31 – It’s been just over four months since saying goodbye to Liliana and I’m still learning my limits of what I’m okay doing and what I’m definitely not okay doing. Today I learned that I’m not okay with clothes shopping, at least not yet. Being in-between my pregnancy and pre-pregnancy clothes, I decided…
August 11 – It’s amazing how quickly lives can change. I’m not talking get-a-new-car kind of change, but dramatic, my-life-will-never-be-the-same kind of change. In just two short weeks, I’ve been witness to, or become aware of, several of these kind of changes – one marked by life, two by death and others by the hope…
July 25 – I can hardly believe it’s been three months since we met Liliana. Three months since we held her and kissed her tiny cheeks. Three months since our hearts were broken. Three months since we had to dig deeper than we knew possible to find strength from God. But here we are. Life…
May 21 – After a miserable rainy afternoon, the day finally cleared up around 5:30 and my husband suggested we go visit Liliana at the special place. We were almost there when something made me turn around to look at my daughter. Let me preface this by saying that I rarely turn around unprovoked unless…
May 14 – On Mother’s Day, I went to see Liliana at the special place (that’s what we refer to the cemetery as with my girls). As I expected, it was a busy day full of visitors. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was at the cemetery when there were other families visiting their children…
May 6 – This was the day of Liliana’s funeral mass. I had about five days to plan the service. As hard as it was, it’s what kept me going that first week home. I spent the week working on a video tribute, mass programs, a poem, flowers, music and everything else to make Liliana’s service perfect. It…
Here’s the poem I wrote for my sweet girl that we read at her service… Oh my sweet Liliana, How could this day come to be; It seems like only yesterday, I felt you kicking inside of me. We only had just minutes, To hold you while your heart still beat; To tell you that…