May 14 – On Mother’s Day, I went to see Liliana at the special place (that’s what we refer to the cemetery as with my girls). As I expected, it was a busy day full of visitors. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was at the cemetery when there were other families visiting their children because it’s such a small and crowded area. Every time I visited the previous week, I was alone. So I was happy to be the only one there when I arrived. But shortly thereafter, another family arrived, followed by another and another. They all came out of their cars, so I gathered that you don’t need to give people their alone time or privacy if they are there before you.

All three families I saw cleaned their children’s headstones with loving care. It makes sense to me to want your child’s area to be perfect and beautiful. One father had a bucket, cloth and sprays and I could tell that he probably has done that a hundred times.

Since I was alone, holding several used tissues and sitting down next to the ‘newest’ grave with the unsettled dirt still in a pile, it was probably pretty apparent that my pain was pretty raw. One of the mothers came up to me and gave me one of the carnations she brought for her sons (yes, she lost two) and said ‘I’m sorry for your loss.’ We hugged, I cried, and we talked about our children who were gone. She told me that it gets easier with time and that she didn’t know what my faith was, but knowing that we have saints in heaven is what got her through things. And I know that’s what will also get me through the darkness. My faith. It’s difficult to imagine right now, but I know this – my Liliana is with the Lord and she will bring me closer to Him. I have to strengthen my faith and believe with every fiber within me that she is with God and is safe, healthy and happy. What more can we ask for our children? And to believe that, I need to be closer with Him and read His word and let myself be comforted by it.

While I was talking with this mom, her daughter who was playing nearby, ran up to me and hugged me and said “I’m sorry for your loss.” This sweet little girl – maybe 6 or 7 years old – knows too well about loss at too young an age. And yet, she also knows God because it was clear to me that she had the faith of a child and knew that her brothers were in heaven. She didn’t hug me with sadness, she hugged me with joy and hope and comfort.

When I got home, I told my husband about my experience and when I had finished, I noticed a balloon on our bottom patio in our back yard. It was temporarily stuck in-between some bushes. When I went to the window to get a better look, the wind dislodged it and it floated up and danced in front of the window I was standing at for a few seconds. I was able to read what it said. Perfectly facing me was a red balloon that said ‘I love you.’ After then just like that, it flew away. But in those few seconds, the perfect timing of the balloon coming to greet me at the window was a special delivery from Liliana. I have no doubt that it was her Mother’s Day gift to me.

Each day I pray for small graces that I may feel Liliana’s presence in some way or another. Today I received two amazing graces – one from the mother and daughter at the special place and then directly from my baby girl.  After such an emotional day missing my girl, she finally spoke to me. I love you too my sweet angel girl.