May 6 – This was the day of Liliana’s funeral mass. I had about five days to plan the service. As hard as it was, it’s what kept me going that first week home. I spent the week working on a video tribute, mass programs, a poem, flowers, music and everything else to make Liliana’s service perfect. It was such an emotional and exhausting week, but there was no other way it could’ve been. My family kept telling me not to overwhelm myself and that I shouldn’t be doing everything myself, but some things were too personal to hand off. And the way I looked at it, this was the only day I would ever get to plan and give to my daughter, so it had to come from me.

The morning of Liliana’s mass was surprisingly peaceful. I thought I would be a mess that morning, but I was just so thankful to God that the sun was out. I prayed for sun and no rain despite what the weather forecast said. And when I saw that beautiful sun in the sky, it somehow gave me the serenity I needed to face the day.

We made sure we had enough time to get ready. I was determined to be early for Liliana. The girls looked beautiful in their cream dresses and it looked like we were all dressed for a wedding. I asked people to wear white/cream if they were able to in honor of Liliana’s innocence and purity. After all, she was in heaven, and it seemed appropriate to rejoice in that fact, even if it were only with our clothes.

The mass was beautiful. We easily selected our two readings because we had recited them a hundred times prior to this day.

Jeremiah 1:5 ‘Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; Before you were born, I consecrated you.’

Psalm 139: 14 ‘I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made’

I never heard of the Jeremiah verse prior to this year, but I can’t tell you how many times it appeared to me on this journey to meet Liliana. I saw it on a bumper sticker while going for a walk with my girls. I read it online on some random site or someone’s post. My husband prayed it every day. It gave us comfort throughout to know that all of this was part of God’s plan. He knew our days before they were written. And he knew that Liliana was made for Him. Too perfect for this world. Made for heaven.

I also loved the music we selected. The male and female duo sang ‘The Prayer’ by Andrea Bocelli, which is such a beautiful song. The other special song they sang was ‘I Will Carry You’ by Selah. This song… I can not listen to it without sobbing and yet I have to listen to it. It is heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time. You need to hear it and read the lyrics to understand. My dear friend sent it to me the week prior to Liliana’s mass. At first, it broke my heart to hear the words, but it soon became an inspiration for me as I put her video together and prepared her mass service. Even my oldest daughter can sing all the words and associates it with Liliana. It is my song for Liliana now until the day I die.

At the end of the mass, our priest called my oldest daughter to the altar. He asked her where her sister was and she pointed up to the sky and said ‘heaven’. Then he asked her who she was with and she said ‘Jesus’. I couldn’t be a more proud mama of my girl. She has handled everything with such grace and faith and empathy beyond her years, that it melts my heart when I hear her say such things. She has given me strength when I had none left. And if she can believe with such conviction, then I can too.

While beautiful, it was still an incredibly difficult day, but I will remember how perfect everything was for Liliana, just like her. And I will never regret pouring my heart and soul into this day to honor her life. I hope you felt my love sweet girl. It was all from love.