February 2, 2018 – Last week I had the opportunity to attend a healing mass at my church. It was my first time. I’ve only recently even heard about them. My husband and I went to a healing service when I was pregnant with Liliana, but it was more of a communal service for prayer intentions. This was different.

This was an actual mass where at the end the priest laid hands on each person who came up to the altar, listened to their healing requests and prayed over them.
I rarely get to be fully present during church because I’m usually tending to my girls at various points and inevitably miss out on parts of the mass. But not this time. I was able to listen to every word, sing every song and be overcome by the presence of the Lord.

I was able to study the people there with me. Old couples, young couples, one family with children, individuals alone like myself….what were their stories? What crosses in this life did they carry? I found myself wondering what brought each of them to this mass. Did they wonder what pain I carried as they saw me blotting my eyes the whole time?

I was very emotional during the whole service. You see, I knew what I was there for and what I would ask for. I would be asking for healing of my heart. As I looked out at the people in the church with me, I didn’t know if they were in need of physical, emotional, spiritual or relationship healing. So I prayed for all of it. I didn’t need to know their individual circumstances and they didn’t need to know mine to know that we’re all in need of God’s mercy and healing. We all have something in our lives that needs healing. And some things can only be healed through Christ’s love.

In the two short weeks since I last posted on this blog, I’ve come to know several other stories of people in my circle of friends in need of healing:

• a colleague with a new cancer diagnosis
• a couple mourning the loss of their precious toddler
• a patient of my husband’s whose last dying wish was to see his beautiful wife dressed up. When my husband visited him in the hospital, he saw this man’s wife dressed to the nines as though she were going to a black-tie event. He found out later why. The man died that same night.
• and four friends who have lost a parent in the past month.

All of these events are tragic, but if it didn’t directly happen to you, there’s no way to know the depth of their sorrows. All you can do is say ‘I’m sorry’, and then most people go back to their days. This isn’t a criticism, it’s just the way it is.

But for these people, their lives are forever changed. There’s only the time before ‘x’ and now the time after. That’s how you measure time after a tragedy or life-changing event. I had my life before Liliana’s diagnosis and birth, and my life after. On the outside, they may look the same, but I can tell you as sure as the air I breathe, they couldn’t be more different.

But while we can give little comfort to those in despair, there is one who can and already has. Because of Him, I know my Liliana is in heaven. Because of Him, I know I will see her again. Because of Him, I know these people and their stories can still have a happy ending, whether they know it right now or not.

There’s a beautiful song by Hillsong called Oceans that my girls and I listen to during breakfast. It’s about God calling us out upon ocean waters where our feet fail us, but he asks us to keep our eyes above the waves on Him. When the oceans rise, His grace abounds in deepest waters. There’s a particular line that says ‘Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders’. That’s where I am in my journey and where I imagine most of these other people are too – hurting, but trusting.

…When it was finally my turn at the altar, my tears over Liliana that had been slowly trickling out every day for the past year, now came pouring out all at once. I didn’t stop them. I let them overwhelm me, knowing that though my eyes may overflow with tears of pain, as long as I keep them focused on the Lord, He alone would heal my heart.

           Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
           Let me walk upon the waters
           Wherever You would call me
           Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
           And my faith will be made stronger
           In the presence of my Savior

‘He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.’ ~ Psalm 147:3