March 9, 2019 – It finally happened! One year, eight months and one day after Liliana was born, she visited me in my dreams. It wasn’t the dream I envisioned, but it was perfect nonetheless.

I started writing this post right after it happened because I didn’t want to lose any of the details, but I let it sit for awhile because I didn’t want to rush and post it before I had time to think about what it meant. And then as life would have it, things came full circle as I had the opportunity to share my dream at a memorial service for Liliana and other babies/children that were part of the pediatric hospice family this past weekend.

I was asked to speak as a parent who experienced our loss almost two years ago and to show how good can come from tragedy and that there is hope after loss.

At the end of my speech, I shared my dream of my baby girl for the first time publicly and now I’d like to share it with all of you.

It was the night after Christmas, and it started out as one of my regular random work dreams where I know I’m at work, even though nothing looks familiar. I was in the bathroom washing my hands and then I saw someone holding her. They put her down on the counter and I immediately went to her and called out her name. “Liliana!” I cried. And even though she was still a tiny baby, she smiled at me and said hello. I picked her up and began to cry tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of longing.

And there was something else….Without going into detail, Liliana had a physical abnormality in my dream. I noticed it just as quickly as I dismissed it. It was almost an afterthought.

I continued to hold her in an embrace while I cried. And just as quickly as it started, it was over.

The next morning I shared with my oldest daughter that I dreamt about Liliana and that she said hi to me. She asked me how old Liliana was in my dream and I told her she was a little baby. And her response was, “babies can’t talk”.

Of course she’s right – babies can’t talk. But when it comes to dreams, they often don’t reflect our current reality. But maybe they can represent a different reality, one not of this world. So it made me reflect on my encounter with Liliana.

When she said hi to me, it was as if she was telling me she was okay. I think the physical abnormality represented her illness that she had in this life, but it was a non-issue in my dream and most certainly in heaven. And her saying hello and knowing who I was makes me think that’s how it’ll be when I see her again.

As I’ve shared on this blog, I’ve often struggled with trying to understand what my relationship will be like with Liliana in heaven. How will we communicate? Will our relationship be that of mother and daughter in the earthly sense?

So even though the encounter was brief, it was so powerful. I could have dreamt a thousand different things that we were doing – playing or singing – but I didn’t. In the midst of the nonsensical ‘noise’ in my dream, we saw each other and we knew each other. It was amazing! I was very much aware in my dream that this was the first time I was seeing Liliana, which is why I instantly picked her up and embraced her.

I remember most of my dreams every morning and I rarely have that level of clarity in them where I am aware of an encounter the same as if I was awake. It was such a beautiful encounter with my baby girl. I know it was a gift from her. And I believe that it represents what it will be like when we are together again. We will know each other; we will communicate on some higher level; I will be her mother and she will be my precious daughter; and our souls will embrace for an eternity.

I shared this dream with the audience of bereaved parents not because they care about my encounter, but because it represents hope. I prayed for 20 months that I would dream about Liliana. It didn’t happen on my timeline, but I never lost hope that it wouldn’t happen. Some people in the room were wondering if they’d ever smile again, feel normal again or even breathe again. There is always hope.

For me, that hope lies in Christ, without which I would drown in despair of never seeing Liliana again. But because of Him, I can dream of my baby girl and KNOW that the real reunion will be beyond the most perfect encounter I can think of.

I’m beyond thankful for my dream and I hope I will have a lifetime more of special dreams like this one with my angel. But if not, I have the peace of knowing that one day, on the other side of heaven, my longing to be with Liliana again will be a dream come true.

Until next time my love…