April 25, 2019 – Happy 2nd birthday anniversary my love! It’s 9 p.m on this Thursday night and the official celebrations have ended. We had a beautiful day honoring our baby girl. I’ll share some of the highlights….

We started our day at church because that’s where we feel closest to Liliana. She’s with Jesus, so it only follows that she’s present in His home. There is a peace and comfort I receive from being there. There’s no question that this will always be a part of our birthday celebration for Liliana for the rest of our lives. 

After church, we then went to the grocery store and I let the girls pick out the cake, flowers, balloons and a small gift for Liliana to bring to Special Place. It was fun letting them participate in her day and I know they felt special being able to be a part of everything. I told them to choose things they thought Liliana would like and coincidentally, they turned out to be the same things the girls like. 🙂

My parents joined us for mass and for our celebration at Special Place. We sent up our balloons to her, took pictures, had cake, left our presents and just spent time talking to her. We met another family celebrating a birthday while we were there. We shared our cake, our babies and our tears. It was nice having a ‘friend’ at Liliana’s party. But really, to me, these moms are my sisters and their families are my family. There’s no explaining, no apologies, no awkwardness. Just understanding. Happy 6th birthday baby Calvin.

After Special Place, we went for lunch where we ran into a priest that we know outside of our parish. He actually was the first priest I saw for confession after Liliana was born. I remember he was so comforting and gentle and I felt God’s grace from him. It was a gift to see him today. 

In the evening we took the girls to the rec center to go swimming and then out for ice cream. I know Liliana would have loved splashing in the kiddie pool and no question that she would love ice cream like her sisters. 

And just now as I’ve been writing this post from my bed, my husband and I watched her video that I put together for her memorial service. I’ve watched it hundreds of times and I’ll watch it thousands more. I love it so much and it reminds me that where she is, there are no tears, no sickness, no mourning. Even though I’ve come a long way in my grief journey and God has allowed me to breathe again, I still need to remind myself of this sometimes. Because as much as I can rationalize and understand the way things are in my mind, my heart still misses my girl. My baby is two years old and yet I have no new pictures or videos to show for it. Just the ones from April 25, 2017. It’s a slippery slope to start thinking of all the missed memories. The video I have and the lyrics in the song help to put things in perspective. She may have had ice cream if she were here, but instead, where she is, she has Jesus. So while I allow myself to indulge in her birthday celebration, I know it’s not for her. It’s in honor of her, but it’s really for us. And that’s okay. I need to be her mother in the ways I know how.

So overall, it was a full day of fun, love and joy. Of course there were tears, but mostly it was a day of celebration of our baby girl’s life.

On Saturday, my sister-in-law and her family will walk in honor of Liliana in Seattle. It’s purpose is to bring awareness to what kids with special needs can do. And in Liliana’s case, even ones who are no longer here can still do an amazing amount of good. To this day, she continues to impact people through her life’s story and our witness. 

And on Sunday, my family will walk in the March of Dimes 5K in honor of my baby girl (I’ll add pictures to this post in a few days). We will see several of our friends who have had premature babies – both living and those in heaven with Liliana.

I cherish these opportunities to celebrate Liliana’s life. It’s so fitting that her birthday fell the same week as Easter, where because of His life and sacrifice, I know she has eternal life in heaven. We also got to celebrate life at a movie night at our church this week with a pro-life film. And of course, we will be marching in the walks this weekend to celebrate the life of all babies. Life is beautiful and Liliana’s is eternally so. Happy birthday my love!