April 21, 2018 – Liliana’s monument has been placed just in time for her anniversary. It arrived last month, but they were waiting for better weather to break ground and place the stone. Thankfully, we finally got a break this week. Driving up to special place a few days ago and seeing her monument from a distance was overwhelming and emotional. It may seem strange to get so excited over it, but when the little things are all you’ve got, they take on a much bigger meaning.

Tomorrow I will plant flowers and bring all of the lawn decorations I’ve been holding on to in anticipation of spring weather. My older girls picked out some purple butterflies that they thought Liliana would love. I’m so excited to make her special place an even more beautiful and peaceful place that we can sit and enjoy our time. Now that the girls are older, I don’t need to watch them as closely and they are free to explore and run around in the field surrounding us while I can sit quietly and talk to my baby girl.

On her anniversary on Wednesday, we have a whole day of activities planned. We will visit her first thing in the morning in church where the mass intention will be in her name. There’s something special about hearing your child’s name spoken aloud by someone other than yourself and knowing that the entire congregation is thinking of her at that moment.

After mass, we’ll go to the hospital where she was born, for a gift ceremony. My husband and I will dedicate a sleep recliner in Liliana’s name to the NICU for the families that spend all day with their babies waiting for them to be able to come home. I’ll get to share about Liliana and the gift that she is to us and will now be to so many other families. For parents who have fragile or sick little babies, they can only sit on small folding chairs while they spend all day at their side. They can’t rest, nurse or comfortably hold their babies. While we can’t help the emotional stress they are feeling, this recliner can at least ease their physical needs. It will be my honor to present this gift in Liliana’s name. My family will be in attendance along with the hospital and nursing staff. It’s my hope that some of the nurses who were there during Liliana’s birth will also be present at the ceremony. As I mentioned in a previous post about her birth, there was one nurse who shared with me that it meant a lot to her sons to get to meet her stillborn daughter at least once in the hospital. Her statement drew me out of my state of confusion and numbness long enough to make the decision to have my older girls come to the hospital that night to meet Liliana. I’m so grateful to her for that moment of clarity. I would have surely regretted not having them meet their baby sister, kiss her, love her and get pictures of the three of them together.

After the hospital visit, we’ll have lunch with our family before heading over to special place. And there we will have her birthday anniversary celebration – cake, balloons, flowers, gifts, the whole nine yards. What I love about our special place is that it is a clear and open field without neighboring buildings or homes in sight. When I look up, all I see is the open sky. So when we do our balloon release, we can watch them rise straight to heaven.

And of course, we will visit her in our thoughts, in our words and especially in our hearts. In the evening, we’ll spend family time together looking at her pictures, videos and recalling the precious moments from that day. Like the blissful moment when we met our precious girl. Or how my then 3-year old daughter was my hero that day. Or the graces from God that allowed our prayers to be answered. It won’t be hard to go back to those moments. I visit them daily in my mind. I can only imagine how much more vivid they will be on her actual anniversary with all of the pictures and videos to go with them.

It will be a beautiful, emotional celebration and remembrance of the 2-pound angel who left the heaviest mark on our hearts that changed our lives. I will share pictures of our day and I may even share her video that I made for her funeral mass. It is deeply personal and intimate to me because I poured myself into making it for her and it includes those precious moments right after her birth. But since this whole blog is deeply personal to me, I will entrust those of you have journeyed with me to respect the sanctity of Liliana’s life and view it with love for my baby girl.

See you in four more days…deep breath.