April 14, 2018 – Eleven more days. And then it will be Liliana’s 1-year anniversary. My emotions are on super drive lately as we prepare to celebrate our precious girl. It will be a day of joy and heartache and every emotion in between. I will honor her in all the ways I can think of. And I will share what we will do and more with all of you who have journeyed with us on her anniversary. And while April 25 is her special day, I am finding more and more that there are ways to celebrate her life even in my day-to-day activities.
This past week I had the opportunity to attend a banquet for a Christian non-profit ministry that houses pregnant women and their babies for up to two years to equip them to be self-sufficient. I heard from the women who are living there now and from those who have ‘graduated’ from the program. It’s amazing to see the Lord’s work at hand. These women who come from nothing, have no one and feel unloved, are given love, shelter, food, education, infant resources and care, and the gift of God’s grace.
One of the girls who is currently living in the home sang the song “Fix You’ by Coldplay, with one small, yet significant, change.
When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
‘Cause you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
What could be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And God will come and fix you
I’m sure this was meaningful for every girl there who has ever felt hopeless and didn’t know how she’d make it through. It certainly was for me. Every verse she sang dripped with emotion that pierced my heart. And hearing these girls talk about the darkness they came from and the hope they had and have in Christ was inspiring. And even though my situation was different from these young women and decades separate our stories, God fixed me just the same. As another girl put it, ‘He just kept showing me my next step.’
And then just last night, my husband and I attended movie night at our church where they showed the movie ‘
October Baby ‘. I never heard of it or any of the actors (with the exception of the father played by Bo Duke from the Dukes of Hazard). The movie was about a 19-year old girl, Hannah, who, after suffering from certain health issues, learns that she was adopted by her parents after surviving a failed abortion. She embarks on a journey to find her birth mother and discover who she is. Hannah learns that her adoptive mother lost her twins at 5 months pregnant and then went on to volunteer at a pregnancy center where she learned about the failed abortion of her now daughter. The mother told Hannah that she was her miracle. It’s a story about self discovery and forgiveness, redemption and the healing of God’s love.
During each of these two evening with the banquet and the movie night, I had Liliana ever so present in my heart and mind. There were so many parallels and relatable moments to myself and my baby girl. I am Hannah who has been on a journey of self discovery after unimaginable life circumstances. I am her mother who suffered the loss of a child and then found her calling in a pro-life ministry. I am each of the women at the pregnancy shelter who felt hopeless until God bound up their wounds and showed them a path forward. And Liliana is my April Baby, but one who was wanted, loved and then handed over to God. She is our miracle.
So yes, I will pull out all the stops in 11 days from now and celebrate my baby girl as if she were physically here with me. But right now, I have 10 more days where I can honor her, remember her, and love her in all of life’s moments, big and small.
